Don't Mess with Grandma

(click the image to see it larger)

As much as I hate the "old granny gone bad" stories, this one is just too irresistible:

Think of the children...

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

Source: http://phocks.org/stumble/bono/

The website that explains everything

Millions of people around the world daily are puzzled by the the same issue. An issue so complex that it has everyone asking the same question--a question that no one has the answer to. Until now. The Harrison Ford Appreciation Club Blog is proud to link to this website, which essentially explains humanity's most difficult question: Is it Christmas?

For the ever profound answer to this question, updated daily, visit www.isitchristmas.com. I guarantee you will find it useful. It truly opened my eyes.

The Worst URLs on the Net

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name
selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do
this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies
who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give
their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their
whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Dead Baby Jokes

Who doesn't like a few good dead baby jokes? They're dark, evil, and absolutely hilarious. Here's some of my favorites, picked up from dead-baby-joke.com (warning: the website contains some explicit humor):

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What's the difference between a live baby and a dead one?
The dead one doesn't cry in the crib next to your bed. Hint hint.

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.

What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.

What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.

Happy Columbus Day!

Ok, so Columbus Day was actually a long while ago, but this cartoon is just too irresistibly good not to post. Enjoy!

The Amazing Work of Makeup

We forget how much of the beauty in women shown in magazines, etc. is false and the work of Photoshop and makeup. Here's some examples:

Weird Laws

Last year I took a driving course in Peoria with BALDA Driving School, and the teacher loved to read out jokes at "half time." Yeah, strange I know. Anyways, there were some interesting laws she was telling us about and some of them are at this address: http://www.lawguru.com/weird/part01.html

Here are my favorites:

In Alabama...
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

In Florida...
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

In Nebraska...
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

In New York...
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

In North Dakota...
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

In Ohio...
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

In Texas...
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

In Wisconsin...
You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.